Understanding Grief: Healing Is Not a Straight Line

There is no “right” way to grieve

One of the things we often hear about grief is that everyone grieves differently. And yes, this is true. However, when experiencing grief, we may still find ourselves wondering whether we are grieving in the "right" way or why the grieving process is taking so long.

Grief is a natural response to loss and can involve emotional, physical, cognitive, and behavioural changes. It is often thought of as something we feel after someone dies, but grief can also follow other losses, such as divorce, a miscarriage, a job loss, a health diagnosis, estrangement, or the loss of a pet. Grief can even begin before a loss has happened, such as when we are anticipating the death of a loved one.

The five stages of grief

Many people have heard of the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Denial can look like thinking, "This can't be happening," or feeling shock and numbness. Anger may be directed at ourselves, others, or the situation itself. Bargaining often shows up as "if only" or "what if" thinking, as we try to make sense of the loss. Depression can bring deep sadness, withdrawal, and changes to our sleep, appetite, and energy, sometimes alongside physical symptoms like fatigue or headaches. Acceptance means gradually adjusting to life after the loss. It doesn't mean forgetting the person, or no longer feeling sad, but learning to carry the loss with us.

Grief doesn't follow a script

It's important to know these stages don't occur in order, and not everyone experiences all of them. Some people move through grief in waves rather than distinct stages at all. Grief can also bring feelings that don't fit neatly into this list, such as guilt, relief, anxiety, lingering numbness, or even unexpected moments of joy. All of these are valid parts of grieving.

Grief is not a straight line. We may feel angry and sad on the same day, or feel more accepting and then find sadness returning again. Anniversaries, songs, or certain places can bring grief back unexpectedly. Culture, faith, and personal temperament also shape how grief looks, so there's no single "correct" way to grieve and no set timeline for healing.

What can help

Supporting yourself through grief can involve allowing your emotions without judging them, staying connected to trusted people, maintaining your basic needs, and finding meaningful ways to honour the person or loss. Professional support can help when grief feels overwhelming or significantly affects daily life, especially if it stays this intense for many months, which may be a sign of prolonged grief.

Learning to carry grief differently

Healing doesn't mean "getting over" grief. It means learning to carry it differently, while staying connected to the memories that remain.

If you're finding your grief hard to carry alone, you don't have to. Reaching out for support is not a sign that something is wrong with you, and it's never too early or too late to talk to someone. Our team is here whenever you're ready.

A gentle next step

If grief is feeling difficult to navigate on your own, psychological support can provide a safe space to process what you are experiencing at your own pace.

Natasha Slater is a Provisional Psychologist at Nutricula Psychology who provides warm, collaborative psychological support via Telehealth.